Currently...

Rabu - DuaPuluhDuaDuaBelasDuaKosongSatuKosong - what can i say about my current mood...? all i can say is...i'm happy. i can't really remember when was the last time i felt this kind of bliss. some maybe asking why...why do i feel so happy. well as of now...i just can't say out loud. gonna keep it to myself for awhile...when the time comes...i'll let it be known...

- stixx, fixxing out...~! -

Monday That I Like

Isnin - DuaPuluhDuaBelasDuaPuluhSepuluh - again...it's been awhile since i last updated my blog. quite a lot of things happened...and i do mean A LOT. job-wise...nothing new...same ol'..same ol'. oh yeah...today is monday...and hence the title...it's a monday that i like...why...? because i'm on leave. i don't usually take leave on mondays...not that i don't want to...but i just can't. usually it's a busy day at the workplace.

another friend of mine just got married...congratulations to zam nayan & nadia. demm...~ suddenly the pressure is on...ahaha~!

ok...what else...? oh yeah...we(Exorage) finally got our own jamming/recording(soon) studio...kiranyer...senang la sket nak practice...takde la asik nak kena booking...pastu nak kena bayar sewa jamming...sejam rm30. but it's kinda like a big investment for us...and it's all thanx to the effort of Hatta(synth player) & Dhan(vox/guitars). rite now...it's just a empty, carpeted hall...but we gonna make changes...little by little...

talking about Exorage...we were supposed to play in Langkawi last week...but alas...cancelled...demmit...terasa agak kesialan lah...wat penat practice je. and still about Exorage...we're having problems with finding a drummer...the current/replacement/session drummer that we have...is starting to show lack of interest. shits...never knew it's not easy to find a drummer...i thought there are a handful of drummers...but yeah...maybe the statement is correct...there are a lot of drummers out there...but not to Exorage's specs.

i've been stupid for the past 3-4yrs(or so)...i think it's time to end it...who knew it took 13yrs for us to find each other...

- stixx, fixxing out~! -

Hari Ni Sebelum Sahur...

Isnin - TigaPuluhKosongLapanDuaPuluhSepuluh - ahaa...hari ni aku berblog sebelum sahur plak...so...apa citer ari ni...?? takde citer menarik sangat...except...kawan aku sorang ni...dah lama tak berawek...skang sudah ada teman...yeah...~!! way to go man...happy for you. actually...diorang dah couple beberapa minggu lepas(kot...aku pun lupa...ada dia citer...tapi dah lupa)...but then again...they 1st met 2days ago. and yeah...from the looks of it...they're happy together. hopefully the relationship will last.

ok...why am i blogging about this...saje je...well ok la...bukan saje je. sebenornyer...aku, agak iri hati. sedikit la...ye lah...i've been longing to be in a relationship for quite sometime now. but i'm still single. and aku rasa kawan aku yang baru couple nih...faham perasaan aku...so dia dok la cakap..."don't worry dude...ur time will come...". yeah...i know that...in fact...i know that so well...that i'm kinda like sick of it. but don't get me wrong...i'm not turning gay or sumthing.

wait...i'm beginning to be depressed again...this is not good. i have to look at this matter in a positive way. ok...so which angle...? fine...i'll find it soon.

on a positive note...aku tgh cuba nak buat lagu...a friend wrote it down as a poem...but he wants me to compose it into a song. i've been in a slump lately. but...suddenly, i've found this riff...pada aku riff ni mmg best(pada aku la...), and i was so excited...intend to make this riff for the intro part. ok...that part's done. but then...when it comes to the verses and chorus...again...i'm stumped. aiyoooh...~ haaaiiih....lek lek...i guess i can never rush creativity...i have to take it one step at a time...

that's it...~

- stixx, fixxing out...~ -

Sesudah Sahur Lagi...

Ahad - DuaSembilanKosongLapanDuaPuluhSepuluh - eheh...lagi sekali...aku wat blog after sahur...actually aku dah sahur awal dah...tapi aku berjaga sampai abih waktu sahur(nasib baik la sok cuti...kalo ari keje...mmg aku tak wat camni...). okeh...apa plak aku nak merapu pepagi buta nih...?

ok...start with a little bit after midnite...aku terasa amat bosan...aku rasa amat tidak best(macam biasa la...), plus...aku terasa lapar...so...aku gi la mamak kat sect15 bangi...aku gi naik skuter...mmg aku lagi senang gi memana bawak skuter...ye lah...parking tak menjadi masalah...nak2 plak mlm tadi...ada football match...mmg sesak la area 15 tu. tensen gak aku...apa la seronok tgk football match nih...? tapi...kalo dah pasal minat...aku mmg takkan argue la...most people...kalo dah pasal minat...mmg sanggup wat memacam...just like me & music. bleh dikatakan sanggup perabih semata2 sbb music.

so aku melabuhkan diri atas kerusi(nak try atas meja...tapi takut kena humban keluar kedai...) dlm kedai mamak yang selalu aku melepak online sorang2...Ameerali. aku order nasi puteh+paprik daging...& teh ais. sementara tunggu order sampai...aku online lah.

sebelum aku keluar umah...aku ada post status kat FB...asking about where can i get my hands on some antidepressant pills...and surprisingly...ada beberapa rakan2 yang gave comments about that status...tq my friends...but dont worry...it's not that i'm really gonna take it. it's just that...i was kinda down(depressed?)...and only felt like popping a pill. and yeah...they(my friends) were like asking why...and i can only answer to a certain few...

masa online FB...i was talking to a friend via the FB chat(agak menyakitkan ati chatting ngan menatang FB chat nih)...she asked about the status...so i tell her why...and she gave me her feedback about it. she told me she went thru the same thing...well not exactly the same thing...but...more or less i guess...and she did mention about her friends got bored of her constant complains...and they somewhat abandoned her...now...that's harsh...no...i think that's cruel. but then again...you have to admit...your friends...they're humans...and as humans...they themselves have their own problems to think about...so...i guess they can only standby you up to a certain extent.

so...she went on giving me advice and opinions(most appreciated, tq)...masa dok borak tu...tetiba people started to go inside the mamak...i was like..."uh-oh.. "...apa yang aku risaukan...mmg bebetul terjadi...hujan turun...and it's a downpour...mmg lebat gile...mmg aku bertapa lebih lama la kat mamak tu...tapi, mujur la durasi nyer tak lama mana...timing hujan berenti pun ngam2 masa laptop aku nak abis bateri...so i pack my stuff and head home. baru lepas hujan...aku naik skuter tanpa sweater and cargo shorts...freakishly cold...~!!!

reached home @ 3am...and i thought about what she told me...well...she told me a lot...but one thing about changing my attitude...that is something, i should do...i have to start to look at things positively...(being a pessimist...that is not an easy task...). how...? well i guess there's only one way to find out...

my my...this turned out to be a long entry...eheh...

- stixx, fixxing out...~! -

Sesudah Sahur...the 2nd.

Selasa - TujuhBelasLapanDuaPuluhSepuluh - Sahur awal lagi hari ni...like i've mentioned earlier(well, i think i've mentioned it)...bila hari bekerja...aku sahur awal.

tak tau apa nak citer pun...ermm, ok la...sebenarnyer banyak....just tak tau nak citer camne. buat masa ni...mmg aku terasa tak baper best...it's not that i feel sumthing bad gonna happen...cuma...ntah...terasa tak best lah...i mean...i'm not that happy. heh...aku rasa mesti ada yang menyampah bila aku dok kata rasa tak best...rasa tak best. tapi nak buat camne...dah aku rasa gitu.

missing someone...but i just don't know for sure whether that someone misses me or not...i don't think so. damn...feel so empty...hollow. usually at times like this...i always ask myself...is it so hard for someone like me to be loved? i mean...i can love someone whole-heartedly...i'd give my all for someone. but...it feels like...i'm the only one who's giving.

i envy...to all those people who give...and get back what they deserved. unlike me...

ah well...i guess i cut the crap here...

- stixx, fixxing out...! -

Sesudah Sahur...

Isnin - EnamBelasLapanDuaPuluhSepuluh - Ok...hari ni dh masuk hari ke-6 posa. heh...jgn dihitung hari...kalo tak mmg la rasa lama. ada beberapa perkara yang aku suka pasal bulan posa nih. satu...obviously sbb kita menjalan kan ibadah. itu mmg perkara yang paling penting la. other than that...best sbb...mmg bleh jimat duit...ye lah...breakfast ngan lunch tak boleh makan...maka...duit tak kuar lah. and yeah...last sekali...bleh turunkan berat badan...tapi selalunyer masa bulan posa je la turun...masa raya pertama...dah naik balik dah...itu mmg konfirm...eheh. nak wat camner...sah2 masa raya tu...dah gi melawat umah sedara-mara...bila dah sampai tu...mmg akan ada makanan yang terhidang...kang tak makan...kecik ati plak...maka...'terpaksa' lah...eheheh.

adu la...apa la aku merepek pepagi buta nih...heh, mcm title entry aku yang...mmg aku baru lepas sahur...selalu nyer aku sahur kol 5pg...tapi ari ni rasa nak sahur awal sket...sbb ari ni aku keje. aduu...lemau gile sior keje time posa nih...tapi ada best nyer gak...bila keje ni...rasa cepat je masa berlalu...tapi itu pun kekadang tgk keadaan ler...

haih...sudah lah...tido time...

- stixx, fixxing out..!-

It's Been Quite Awhile

Isnin - SembilanLapanDuaPuluhSepuluh - Uih...~ lama sangat aku tak update blog aku nih...the last published blog was 12th Feb 2010. but yeah...even if i update my blog frequently...i don't think there's anyone gonna read it.

so...why do i blog...? no specific reason actually...well, ok...maybe there's a few reasons...usually just to kill time...and maybe just to vent out some suppressed feelings or thoughts. there are things...that, in a way...i can never explain or describe by talking...so...i write it down...or type it out. and doesn't have to be for someone...or anyone for that matter...i just need a place to vent it out.

ok...again...it's been awhile...so like...there's lots of things happened...good, bad...quite a lot...but i don't remember all of it in detail though. let's start with the not so good things...my dad got admitted...erm...like i said...can't remember the details...so...i can't remember when...but it was last month (july2010)...because of hypoglycemia(i think i spelled it right)...for those who were wondering what is this hypo thingy...it's basically...the sugar level in your blood went TOO low...and you get seizures.

seriously...luckily i was listening to my handphone mp3 player while i was going back frm work...i was riding my scooter at that time(it's dangerous actually...yeah, i know)...but because of that...i can answer the call...it was my mom...she said my dad was really sick...with that...i just went full throttle back home. when i arrived...what i saw...was something that i can never forget. my dad lying on the bed...sweating...with blood and spit spurted out frm his mouth...surprisingly at that time i can still keep calm and call the hospital for an ambulance.

and a few minutes after that...the ambulance came...and took my dad to the hospital...and my dad stabilized shortly after...Syukur. he's ok now...but not as energetic as before. still...i'm glad.

alright...that's the not so good thing. for the good part...this involving my band Exorage...we get to play for a BIG event...MTV WorldStage 2010...~!!! eheheh...well, actually not the main event itself...just a side-event...but still..it's MTV... =D. i think i'll tell the story in detail...in another entry...~

Journal Kebosanan

Friday - TigaBelas0TwoDua0Satu0 - aku amat bosan...mmg bosan giler ah. huhuhu...keje ari ni...mmg bz...seriously...sampaikan aku ngan dhan disuruh kuar rehat awal...seawal 10.30pg...bagi aku...itu amat awal untuk lunchbreak. mana tak nyer...breakfast pagi tu tak smpat digest lagi. semua gara2 tak nak ada yang kuar time lunchbreak yang sebenar. disebabkan kenyang lagi...penyudahnyer...aku ngan dhan lepak minum kat mamak.

masa dah abis banking hours plak...ada plak la customer bodo tolol yang mintak tunggu kejap...sebab nak bank in bonus untuk pasa pekerja nyer...company cina...so..go figure lah...obviously nak masukkan kan duit blanje staff2 diorang untuk beraya. bongok betol...datang awal2 takleh ker...ni orang sumer dah nak balancing...baru terhegeh2 nak datang bank.

aku sampai umah...lepas abis chores...aku melepak dlm bilik...shits...mmg terasa bosan gile...~!! then...aku terlelap jap...ada la...setengah jam kot...still rasa bosan. aku pack laptop...tukar baju...start enjin kete...kuar umah. tapi aku tak tau nak gi mana sebenarnyer. aku drive aimlessly around bangi...sampai la aku wat keputusan nak lepak kat mamak sect 3tambahan, sbb masa ni aku dah lapor...orait gak la...orang tak ramai sangat.

tgk la pasni wat per plak...~

Alone For Real

Selasa - Ziro9Ziro2TwoZiro1Ziro - aku la ni tgh dok lepak kat mamak masa lunchtime...tak terasa nak makan sangat...so...aku order roti canai telo. abih makan dah pun masa aku type blog nih. mmg lama aku tak tulis apa2 kat blog nih. ada je beberapa benda best berlaku in the past few days nih...tapi tu ah...agak malas la plak nak type. heh....anyway...aku sekarang agak bosan...so...aku pun update la blog nih...

orait...apa nak citer eh...? hurmm...oh ye...skang ni aku dok sorang kat umah...parents aku dah pindah sementara ke Australia...dok ngan abang aku kat sana. ye lah...abang aku baru dapat anak...so...diorang ke sana nak tolong abang aku la...kot. ehehe....sesambil tu...bercuti la...jejalan tgk negara orang. seriously...umah boleh dikatakan besor la...aku plak dok sorang...gila sangap dowh...cuak2 pun ada gak la...ye lah...memcm orang kata pasal dok umah sensorang nih...tapi...aku wat sebodo yang mungkin...

ok...selain daripada itu...sabtu lepas...exorage ada dpt invitation main show kat UKM...kat kolej keris mas...heh...lama dah tak gi situ...the last time gi situ masa ada battle of the bands...di mana kitorang menang 1st place...dan si dhan menang best vocals malam tu. but this time kitorang datang situ as a performer...not a contestant. ok...what can i say...paling tak puas ati pasal sound lah...mmg crappy giler...sorry to say. mmg kitorang tak puas ati. tapi...we still make do of whatever yang ada...so like...best gak ah perform...walopun sound tak gempak. and crowd pun very supportive...

apart from that...the only one thing yang kena diberi pujian adalah...organizer punyer hospitality...seriously mmg tak jangka...layanan diorang tiptop giler...tima kasih diucapkan...

demm...aku rasa, dah lari daripada title nih...ahahah...tapi nak wat camner...apa je lagi yang aku leh citer pasal aku dok umah sorang...? takde pe sangat...bosan...lonely giler...and aku kena rajinkan diri wat keje umah...siram pokok...basuh baju...sidai baju...kalo makan plak...kalo malas kuar...atau sebab yang lebih utama...duit takde...kena la masak sendiri...basuh pinggan mangkuk sendiri...huhuhu.

dah la...tak tau nak citer apa dah...

Pagi Yang Indah

Rabu - 2Tujuh0Satu2Ziro1Ziro - hari ni aku terjaga sedikit awal daripada biasa. ntah naper aku terasa nak tgk2 blog aku nih. rasanya dah agak lama aku tak jenguk blog aku...huhuhu...tuan punyer blog pun lama tak masuk...apatah lagi orang lain.

nak kata takde apa2 menarik berlaku...rasanya...banyak. ada terniat nak bercerita kat blog nih. tapi itu lah dia nye...niat tu ada...kerajinan tu yang amat kurang. Laziness IS a disease.

nnt lah...aku akan try merajinkan diri untuk bercerita...

demm...kena siap nak agi keje plak nih...haaiihh...~

Merapu Sebelum Tido

Friday - LapanSatuDuaRibuSepuluh - humm...dah pukul dua...aku berjaga lagi...dem...besok nak keje. ingat nak tido awal tadi...tapi...tetiba abang aku ajak main game rally plak...eheheh...memula...ok la...seround dua...tau2 dah dekat kol dua...ni dpt berenti main pun sbb anak pompuan dia dah nangis. huhuhu...who would've thought...abang aku akhir nyer dpt anak. and knowing my brother...heh...aku terasa cam...pelik dan pada masa yang sama...kagum gak...ahhaha. ye lah...masa kecik2 dulu...aku selalu portray abg aku ni seorang yang amat garang...agak panas baran gak ah...huhuhu. well...ppl do change...yang beza nyer...antara...berubah jadi lebih baik...or jadi lebih teruk.

which...kinda made me think...demm...camne la bila tiba masa nyer...aku ada anak. huhuhu...aku tak berani nak imagine. boleh la aku imagine aku ni...akan jadi seorang ayah yang selamba rock...rilek...cool. tapi masa ni je la...huhuh...nnt bila bebetul ada anak...hoh...tak tau la pe jadik.

nape tetiba aku leh citer pasal anak plak nih...? awek pun aku blom ada weiii... ah....biar la...tak yah la pikir sekarang...huhuhu

Arrival-Soundstage-Awesome-Haunting-Backache

FrYdaY - Zero1Zero1Twenty1Zero - woah...it's 2010 already...seriously...terasa mcm...tau2 dah 2010. so...ok...dah 2010...abang aku baru balik dari australia...dia balik sekejap je la...well...maybe a month or so.dia balik ni pun sebab nak uruskan hal anak pompuan dia...yes...that's rite ppl...abang aku sudah ada anak...~!! eheheh...adellia...(i think that's the spelling...takpe la...nnt aku tanya bebetul camne nak eja nama anak buah aku yang baru nih..) eheheh.

tapi...masa ari abang aku balik tu...on that day gak...exorage kena bertolak ke melaka. final ROTTW Soundstage.so...lepak jap je la ngan abang aku. bertolak sumwhere near...12noon...i think...pegi dua kete...dhan, lan & pasangan memasing gi satu kete...dan aku...kete penuh ngan peralatan. kira aku dah biasa drive solo la. ada la kelebihan dan kekurangan dia...kelebihan...aku leh pasang lagu sekuat mana yang aku ske...kekurangan nyer...bila ngantuk...takde teman berborak la...takkan aku nak cakap sorang2...itu bakal menjadi masalah tu.

so...around 2...sampai la melaka...trus menuju ke hotel yang telah dibook oleh dhan. seriously...hotel ni...mcm hotel dalam citer antu...basically...just like a rundown hotel. but...since dah takde tmpt lain...jadii laa. memula mintak apartment...and the hotel staff kata ada vacancy...bila dah book apa sumer...tetiba diorang call balik kata...not available la plak...so...diorang bagi kitorang 2 rooms. and these rooms are very spacious. bila dah dapat bilik masing2...kitorang pun melepak ler tunggu petang. kitorang dijadualkan main petang...kol 6.45pm....tapi berdasarkan pengalaman...kitorang bajet...main malam.

mmg betol pun...kitorang sampai melaka mall dlm kol 7...tanya2 orang...diorang kata...delay sejam masa nak start...huhuhu...mmg seperti yang dijangka...but...walopun begitu...huhuhu...sound kali ni mmg gempak...huhuhu...tak macam masa rock the world....langit bumi ah beza nyer. masa tu cuaca...mmg best...a bit cloudy...and very windy. tapi bila lagi a few bands b4 our turn...langit menjadi lebih gelap...demmit...tolong la jangan ujan...at least kalo nak ujan pun...tunggu la sampai kitorang abih perform. but it did rained...fortunately...gerimis yang amat halus...masa kitorang perform. that nite...have to be THE BEST onstage experience for us...seriously mmg best. tak tau nak terangkan camne dah...uhuhuhu.

^gambar ihsan dari nazrulhad hashim

malang nyer...exorage hanya dapat masuk top ten saje...huhuhu...ah...tak kisah lah...janji puas ati perform kat rooftop...open air...huhuhu...priceless siots...hehee.

lepas tu...kitorang gi makan...dkt this one restaurant nama dia...Sri Percik...huhuhu...makan masa tu umpama celebrate menang 1st place...huhuhhu...mmg kenyang gile mkn mlm tu. dan selepas segala makanan dah naik ke mata...kitorang balik le ke hotel.

dan pada malam itu...dyana telah dikacau...shits...mmg ada "benda" hotel nih...ye lah...hotel lama...hurmm...aku seboleh2nyer wat tak tau...ye lah...awk bukannyer berani sangat...huhuhu. mlm tu...aku terasa tido aku sering terganggu...kejap2 terjaga...kejap2 terjaga...tensi siot~!

pagi esok nyer...aku bangun...dan pinggang aku sangat sakit...FAK~! ni sbb show mlm semlm...aku tak stretching kot...huhuhu...giler sakit...dan amat tidak selesa...huhuhu. bila dah bangun tu...terus la siap2...berus gigi...basuh muka...dan turun untuk breakfast. 1st time siot...aku turun gi breakfast kat hotel...aku sampai2 kat bawah...makanan tak siap lagi...ape benda la punye servis. ok la...sementara nak tunggu makanan disediakan...aku merayau la keliling hotel tu...nak carik swimming pool...niat di hati...lepas dah breakfast...dah lepak2 jap...nak terjun kolam. turun tangga sket...jumpa dah kolam...peh...mmg besor gile swimming pool dia...tapi...aku takkan berenang dalam tu...berendam pun aku tak mau. sbb secara normal nyer...air kolam ni...kaler nye biru (itu pun sbb kebiasaan nyer...tile kolam tu...orang pilih kale biru)...tapi kolam depa ni...AIR nyer kaler HIJAU...tak nampak dasar kolam...gile babi...tak tau la baper tahun tak cuci kolam tu.

bila makanan telah tersedia...aku tgk la apa yang ada...humm..sausage...baked beans...nasi goreng...mee goreng...roti...jem...butter...ngan bubur nasi...isk...dah lapor sangat....blasah je lah. lepas abis makan...kembali melepak di bilik. sesambil lepak tu...packing la gak sket2...masa packing tu lah...aku wat keputusan nak balik bangi terus...tak larat lah...badan aku sakit...huhuhu...so...after 12noon...aku balik bangi terus...dhan, lan & pasangan memasing...diorang gi jejalan sekitar bandar melaka.

aku tiba bangi...dkt2 kol 3ptg masa tu...~